Have you chosen light thoughts, actions and words today? Probably not. I didn't even if I have been aware of this need of positivity for a long time. Today was enough! Maybe an effect of the red moon.
Yesterday was such a shitty day that I noticed my dark side. I had black clothes on. Looked like a goth from 1999 but with more wrinkles. I was walking around Tor, thinking about my troubles. I heard my teachers; - You don't change until you are really really fed up with yourself. Now I had reached this point.
I had noticed lately that I held on to sorrow, tiredness, grief of shadows, bad eating and lifestyle habits which disempowered me. A friend of mine, one of the dearest one left Glastonbury and in combination with night shifts, made me dip. That was my excuse. So No! I hadn't chosen light. I had chosen the dark side.
So how could I to get more light in my life? If I missed my friend: What was the best aspect of the fact she left? "I had an excuse to visit her and at the same time enrich my life" with a new culture I never would have gone to otherwise. If I was disappointed- what was the positive aspect? Learn - No expectations?! If a person was nasty. What kind of inner wound did he reflect back to me? Was it time to leave for something better? Bullying- need of developing boundaries? Ignorance - my own vulnerability and weakness/ frustration? Envy and anger- jealousy? Did Jealousy showed me?: -Hi, you would like your own flat. You are just not aware so we send someone who tells you what you would love to have one, on an unconscious level. Be jealous please so you get angry and manifests it.
If I was afraid or annoyed with someone? From where came these feelings? From someone in my past? We are here to illuminate our fear and shame. Work on them. Confront them, pinch them, accept and let go of them. What I mean is; I'm going to choose and focus on the positive aspect of troubles in my life from now on. See if it makes a difference.